Im trying to see the lighter, brighter side of life but its still very grey. I keep thinking about whats ahead and the struggle that will still remain with letting go of what was along with going through it again in trying to help a friend find the way that is right for her. Its just bringing it all back. Its bringing the emotions, the thoughts, the step by step rundown of how my marriage ended. There are so many similarities there and there are so many instances where I could plop myself in her husbands shoes like as if it were happening all over again. Its hard and it sucks but what are friends for.

Im still in that state of mind where I wish the world would just forget I ever existed or even me forgetting that there ever was a past history. If anyone knows how to get amnesia without a blunt trauma to the head then please speak up or else Im going to keep looking for it in the bottom of my oj and vodka cup with each one that empties and refills. [...]