Im trying to see the lighter, brighter side of life but its still very grey. I keep thinking about whats ahead and the struggle that will still remain with letting go of what was along with going through it again in trying to help a friend find the way that is right for her. Its just bringing it all back. Its bringing the emotions, the thoughts, the step by step rundown of how my marriage ended. There are so many similarities there and there are so many instances where I could plop myself in her husbands shoes like as if it were happening all over again. Its hard and it sucks but what are friends for.
Im still in that state of mind where I wish the world would just forget I ever existed or even me forgetting that there ever was a past history. If anyone knows how to get amnesia without a blunt trauma to the head then please speak up or else Im going to keep looking for it in the bottom of my oj and vodka cup with each one that empties and refills. [...]
For those of you that are reading… I can only apoligize for what Ive done. I cannot correct it because its already in the past. I can only move forward from this point and I can only prevent that from happening ever again. I am asking for forgiveness. I am asking that you not judge my character by the past months events. I can only ask that you do not consider me the monster that you are seeing me as. I can only do what I can to show that I am not that person and I can only hope that ou find it in your heart to allow the past to settle in and allow the present to lead you to the real me once again. YOu may not find it in your heart to do so but I still must ask. I ask More humble then I have ever been. I will not bow or go to my knees but I can only [...]
I thought about the therapist looking me straight into the eyes less then a foot from my face with one of the most serious looks Ive seen on someones face and him telling me…” Charlie , You are worthy, You are worth something .. just Listen to what I am saying… YOU are [...]
I know what I am. I will not be him any longer. I wont. i wont. people deserve more then that, not the callous cowards brand of love. that aint love. Its poison. Im poison. I aint no better then the scum of the earth. Im gonna fix that.. somehow Im gonna fix that. I just need to find someone that can help me do [...]
I can mentally track it back all the way to when I was a kid. I can see the steps that helped me become this jerk off I am now. I say that because for the most part its true. How can someone just let someones birthday go by without being a scumbag especially their [...]
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