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Well I left off with Bella and now comes the rest of the story. The day after she died I got a call from her mother telling me about her death. I was driving along the road after getting coffee and got the phone call… Her mom said “are you sitting down”. I knew then something [...] I raced down there with fear in my heart and hands trembling. By the time I had gotten to the area where she was, The responses to my text messages and phone calls completely ceased. I waited at the agreed meeting place for two hours. I went back and forth between the two stores in the area of the same franchise but she never showed up. Unkknowingly I passed where she lay in a “friend of hers house” within 50 feet at least 3 to 4 [...] I had multiple I.V. lines pumping vital fluids into me and I can remember trying to rip them out along with the tube that they had in my throat to assure that I had the necessary oxygen being taken into my lungs. I remember the psychiatrist being there looking at me with a disappointed look on his face that also couldve been taken for pity as I wasnt exactly coherent enough to do my usual face expression recognition. [...] I do still deeply love her and the fact that only she can hurt me so badly should say something. We both made mistakes, Weve both hurt each other, Weve both been hurt. Fact still remains that a part of my heart is a void. [...] Emotionally… Im finally dead inside.. I feel nothing.. Its empty . Im tired of trying to hold onto something like love that just torments me and wretches the deepest part of my soul, continually fighting to will my heart to stop every time I go to sleep which im not doing much of at all [...] |
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