Auto Draft

Its been a long time since I last posted here and there are various reasons. A few things that are sizable have happened and well now I feel like I have to return to get some of them out.

I was doing pretty good for a while there. alot of it was the way I seen myself and the world but some of it had to do with a special someone. my life have been forever changed by the events of the past year and a half and Ive lost some of me, Found new parts of me that I didnt know was there, and rediscovered old parts of me that I had forgotten about .

When I went to horsham the last time I met someone wonderful while I was there. reason for me never stating that was because I didnt want to instigate anything between my ex-wife and myself. Things there were rocky at best and honestly I didnt need any more problems or drama coming from that direction. This person who I met helped me change alot about how I was viewing the world at that point. With the upcoming trial I was facing and ultimately pleading guilty and the sentence that was imposed , she didnt care. She seen something in me that I knew was there but wasnt sure if I could ever really let back out. It was instant too.. In all my life I thought I knew what love at first site was, thought I had experienced it with my ex-wife.

Her Name was Kelly Rae  which I nick named simply ” Bella” and she immediately took the name as hers. She was much younger then I was but she could match me in conversation, wit  and charm. She had a smile that lit up the room. Her personality was beautiful. She was just an angel.

We immediatley hit it off. Where she was you could find me only a few steps away. Where I was, it was the same. When we both were released from Horsham we talked just about every night on the phone for a minimum of an hour. She lived an hour away and with my jeep I would trekk down to where she lived every weekend and once or twice a week normally. Then we advanced to her coming to my house on the weekends, just gave us more time to bond and it really solidified the relationship then.

We never really get the full relationship due to circumstances and location. she had things that she had to work on and  I had mine. I thought that having some distance would allow both of us to better ourselves and help our relationship but I turned out to be wrong there. Though we were both happy together and I was happier then I had been in years, something on her front was happening, ultimately it wound up forever coming between us.

She passed away on May 10, 2010 due to a battle that she had been waging since before I knew her. I keep replaying that morning in my head like a cd that just keeps skipping over and over. Just three days before Bella passed away we had spent time together and the day following that. It was good time spent, Quality time. The day she passed away she had called me to come get her from where she was. I raced down there with fear in my heart and hands trembling. By the time I had gotten to the area where she was, The responses to my text messages and phone calls completely ceased. I waited at the agreed meeting place for two hours. I went back and forth between the two stores in the area of the same franchise but she never showed up. Unkknowingly I passed where she lay in a “friend of hers house” within 50 feet at least 3 to 4 times. I left the area with the feeling that I would never see her again.

RIP

“Bella”

K e l l y   R a e

5-20-89                          5-10-2010

to be continued…….