Cousins and Facebook

Here I am, once again with insomnia and feel the overwhelming need to write. I was having trouble sleeping so I decided to peruse the social mecca called ” Facebook”, since I have been using it to get in contact with people from my past that knew me before my pivot point and just expand my social network. I come accross this post from a cousin of mine that I have been meaning to try to get closer with to have a sense of my own family and There is a comment there from you know who.. it was about being a father to your children and her comment just stuck out like she was saying something to my family that she didnt want to say to me. Sometimes people can be two faced but im used to that …. Lived with it long enough.

The post on Fbook was about how people tend to say thing behing a computer screen that they dont or wont say to your face and it continued on to say something about how guys should be fathers to their kids. The comment  is as follows “Damn… well said. It’s sad when parents can’t act like adults for their kids.” Seems that someone felt it was appropiate to comment like that on My cousins post. I may be taking or reading too much into it but hell, it just stood out at me and felt like a direct hit to me…

When everything started to go down .. I reached out to my son, to let him KNow I still loved him and that this wasnt his fault… I backed away when I realized that I wasnt healthy and the poison I harboured would really affect my son. I took some solid advice and decided to just back away in order to fix myself so I could approach things from a more healthy prospective. I was told that it would be ok to do so because I needed it and things were just too overwhelming as it was. I used the aadvice and now that court is over, Im healthier as a person, I reached out to my oldest son to try to reconnect with him and be a dad like I should be. Its obvious to me now that some out there in lala land would hold that against me. You know wut.. I dont give a F***.

Yeah.. Im angry. Its not because I fucked up. I did the right thing in my mind. Its because even though people feel the need to make their own brother and sister choose between “A” or “B” and yet they still seem to feel its ok to talk to my family or leave comments that I would find slightly offensive on My cousins post in facebook.

Im getting sick of going to the people who I am trying to reconnect with and seeing her there, commenting on things like that just really pisses me off and turns her into a hypocrite. Its not like I seek out her brother or sister, Thehy text me and want to initiate conversation with me.. It just really bothers me that some people can place such a line in front of their siblings then move on to someone elses family that they dont even or havent even talk to for years. Now that they are isolating themselves with the closest  family and friends, they feel like they have to branch out to people they bearly know like its just ok… I can understand branching out to my sister even the the claim of raising her is bullshit. I can understand the reaching out to me brothers family being as how he lived with us for 4 years. I cant understand how she could be branching out to my cousins like that…. fucking pisses me off .

ok im done ranting and now after three beers to calm me down Im ready for bed… Too-ta-loo till next time…