Not sure where I am anymore. It just feels like Im neither here nor there lately. Life has been relatively quiet and there isnt any real things to talk about or that I really care to talk about.
I have been getting a few hours here and there of broken sleep but Im starting to feel a little more refreshed when I get up. Doesnt mean the cloud that has been lingering over my head isnt there, Just means that its not as black as it was. Ive been trying to keep myself busy the best I can.. I still have to finish the ceiling in my room that Im renting and do the window trim. Itll get done so Im not too worried about it. Most of the painting is already done and there will need to be some touch ups here and there.
I still have to go back to the house to finish getting stuff that I want to save but i just dont have the courage to go back there. My hands start shaking and the feeling of loss just washes over me. I know that Im going to have to get over that because it wont be the last time I lose something in this life. Kinda like getting back on the horse to deal with what may lie ahead.
Im trying to see the lighter, brighter side of life but its still very grey. I keep thinking about whats ahead and the struggle that will still remain with letting go of what was along with going through it again in trying to help a friend find the way that is right for her. Its just bringing it all back. Its bringing the emotions, the thoughts, the step by step rundown of how my marriage ended. There are so many similarities there and there are so many instances where I could plop myself in her husbands shoes like as if it were happening all over again. Its hard and it sucks but what are friends for.
Im still in that state of mind where I wish the world would just forget I ever existed or even me forgetting that there ever was a past history. If anyone knows how to get amnesia without a blunt trauma to the head then please speak up or else Im going to keep looking for it in the bottom of my oj and vodka cup with each one that empties and refills.
Once again I want to thank you special people who read and comment here.. I dont know where I would be right now without your suppport and your words. Big hugs and thank you’s are in order..
hee Charlie,
Grey is better then black huh?
jeah I know its hard to go get your stuff but that is the only way to get them, go over there and hold your head up high, even when you feel so small on the inside and hurt, keep your head up high.
And you will always be connected there is no way around it.Help your friend there might be a lesson in it for you.
You are a good person and you stay strong you hear.
Its time for me to start my battle again and that will also be a hard one and a long one, there will be a time I will see that black cloud but I also KNOW it will turn grey and on the edges I will see the sun shine.
I will check on you and respond to your posts as much as I can but I HAVE to put in time for my soulmate and me again.
Let the battle begin (smile)
You be good and stay strong Charlie you have come this far you are not there yet.
But then again ……. who is.
I will not forget you, do me a favour huh? try not to look back, always look at tomorrow, think of yesterday with a smile but see tomorrow as an adventure, new things, new people to meet hee!!!!!! new post to paint hahahaha.
Jeah you will be fine now say a prayer for me hahahahahaha.
okay I will talk to you later.
And I will to!!!
Hi Charlie… One day the grey will lift and the colour will return… and we will STILL be here – waiting to hold your hands – but in celebration this time… So many of us have been through the black times…wondered if it’s worth bothering… sat and stared at a blank wall for hours at a time… But we’re still here and we DID get through. Some – like you used to – closed everyone out and told no one… smiles… not that I am speaking about myself ofcourse!! Well – maybe I am… The walls had to come down tho and eventually we allow ourselves to let go and start again.
2010 – I hope all is well with you – please know that if you need an ear you have made friends here who would be there for you.
Walk tall Charlie. It may be Winter again, but Spring always follows….
I agree with 2010 and Fae, Charlie…gray is much better than the black hole you have been in. Things will get better, hon.
I am sorry I haven’t been checking on here…ended up in hospital on Monday and just got out today. I had my knee surgery on the 12 and went in Monday to have stitches out and knee checked and dr said my leg was kinda swollen and should be checked. So went for ultrasound thing on it, have clot from thigh to calf =( so stuck me in hospital and put me on blood thinners. So can’t do much. Am stuck sitting mostly with leg elevated. I am moving to another house tomorrow…bad timing. My family is helping me. Poor things will probly be stuck doing everything cuz I am not supposed to do anything. Feel bad, but don’t want to end up back in hospital.
I have been thinking of you and praying for you even if I wasn’t online. You are a great guy, Charlie. Hang in there, it will get better, hon. Hugs and lots of love…
My dearest friend,
You’ve been a huge help to me and I hope I’ve helped you in some way. Eventually that gray cloud will lighten up a little at a time. You just have to let things take its course. A lot of things have been said between us privately and I’ll never forget them. I’ll check in here once in a while to see if you’ve posted anything new and I’ll contact you every so often like we said.
Be good and brave my friend. You will always be in my mind and my heart…mwah xoxo
Remember, I’m just a text away… Best Friends Forever! Love you!
Charlie, even when I’m not stopping by and commenting, know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. There is a power at work here. God bless you and yours.