Yes yes yes …. Im still here, After a short recess from trying to take on all of my ills I took a slight road trip to be with a friends family and just get away from it all.. It was loads of fun even though there was some drama but hell , It did the trick to pull me out of the spell I was in even just for a little while.. Im not great but Im not hanging off the cliff anymore…
Its been a while since I really tried to get something out and tried to work through and express some of the things that I have had floating around in my head… I went and got insurance for the jeep this morning… I didnt want to get pulled over one day and be told that kelly dropped the insurance on the jeep and have a ton in fines I cant afford.. One mor emonkey off my back..
I found out that my mother was admitted into the hospital for a heart attack and that she needs an operation on one of the muscles stretching over the heart or something like that.. Couldnt get too many details from dad , He’s not exactly the medical wiz.. She wanted to sign herself out of the hospital and the way she has been popping nitro pills for the heart and the lupus and just everything else i dont expect that she will make it too much longer without that surgery. If she does Pass on then I give my dad about a year before he gets sick again (he had a 6 way bypass) and his trach giving him issues.. He had to have his stermun removed due to infection and had to have his chest open while the infection was fought, then had to have his shoulder muscles put ove his rib cage or what was left to help protect his heart..
I think that theres nothing left for I or kelly to talk about anymore.. Anytime we do its just her showing how angery she is at me and how Im such a bad father because I cant pay the lawyer and the child support at the same time. Now her car is giving her troubles and its my fault r Im supposed to help her do something about and IM bearly able to hold on to the string thats left for me financially. Shes not being so nice about me not being abe to afford the child support even though its only temporary till I get the lawyer paid and back up on my feet but right now, shes not being at all nice about it, Its why she threatened me last week after i told her that she shouldnt have taken MY money without MY ok.. Priority is paying for the lawyer to stay free, then Pay for the rest when IM free. Makes sense to me I mean , If I go to jail.. there wont be any child support to get from me.. you get 8 cents a day in there.. not enough to even pay the parking meter..
Ok I think im done for now .. More on me later and how Im dealing… Ill Check Yall later..
Well at least you are doing better and Kelly has to realize when you do better ………… but she only sees …… ah i am not going there.
Money is all what its about with her.
you focus on you and how you can get you one the right track….. all will follow.
Sorry about your mom but that is her choice like it is your choice to get your life back on track.
It was good for you to get away for a bit (smile) gets you on a different level and away from your daily worry, gives you energy (just like running hahaha) but anyway its good to know you are okay and you are an okay fellow and things will be okay for you if you keep your focus.
You are making good choices for you and that is important.
You will be okay!!!!!!! (smile)
2010 : Yeah its gonna be ok one day… Ill be able to look back at all of this and say … she did me a favor by leaving me because she ws holding me back from reaching my true potential.. Right now ,yes , its all about the money for her, still just a paycheck. Well some of us still have compassion in our hearts but others… they are just angery all the time and very hostile. Some would even bite off their nose to spite there face to cause hurt and exert the power they think they have …oh well.. so much for happy endings…lol
Hey! Good to have you back and even better to know you got away for a while. o sorry about your mom – you helped me through my loss so much in March – I haven’t forgotten all you told me….
Get free first Charlie then you will be able to help your kids – like you say – you can’t help at all otherwise. Keep away from that cliff edge! Plenty of hands waiting right here for you to hold onto.
Many hugs, lovely xxxxxxxxxxx
Fae: Yes right now the focus is on me and getting me right.. If there is no me then there is no helping the kids.. Mom had the surgery last night because dad wouldnt let her leave…hehe he took her cloths and hid them… so she will at least be doing better..
Sometimes you need to go to the cliff edge to look at what the other alternative is. then when you get tired of looking down u step back and learn to live again..
I’m sorry sweetie about your mom! If you need anything, let me know. I’m glad we hung out this weekend and I’m sorry for the drama. Hopefully next time there will be no drama!
I’m glad you’re at that point where you realize you want to fight for you.
I’m here for you whenever…The helping handing will always be there, don’t be afraid to take it when you need it!
Talk to you soon love…I’ll see you soon too
Cheryl: I think it was more the fact that i was being threatened and backed into a corner… Its no longer love but bitterness towards me and honestly the way she callously told me that she would continue to beat me down … thats not something that right at this moment im going to let her do… Yeah this weekend was fun and ehh theres always drama somehow… Thanks for the invite and I know that your there to help….
Awww, Charlie…glad your mom had her surgery. Good for your dad!
I just want you to know how proud I am of you. For backing away from the edge. For taking care of the things you need to, like your insurance. And I am glad you are not going to let her beat you down. You keep that smile on your face, love in your heart, your faith, your hope, your dreams and wishes. We are all here for you, hon…and I am thinking you are a hero! Keep up the awesome job you are doing of taking care of yourself and knowing what path you need to take. You are a great person…remember that!
love you, Charlie, lots of hugs, and like Fae said there are lots of hands holding on to you.
Tammy: Im doing as much as I can right now to stay from the edge. Each passing day I find that IM backing away from it a lil bit more. Maybe in time the smile will remain but the love never left and will never leave. Hero huh? Im just a guy my dear having a hard enough time just being able to look in the mirror.. Love and best wishes tammy
Hey Charlie – remember I told you what I saw recently as we talked?? Well that flag is still flying and the shield still glinting in the sun as far as I can see! I’m with Tammy on this!
Hugs you through that shiny armour….
Fae: the armour is only shiny because it needs to deflect the attention from me.. If it looks good then people dont loook at me per say… Flags still flying huh?? laughs …. too bad the castle is in ruins and the occupants are scurrying for cover..