Coin with two tails

I just read two posts that has really upset me. IM coming right out there to say that It FUCKING hurts.

I see all of this coming out like there was never any good moments. Like I was always there twisting someones thoughts and bending wills to be with in line with mine. I dont think so. I didnt do all of what im being accused of. I did not feel the need to control her in that way.

Hell I could spend the next two weeks defending myself to all of the statements that is being made. Fact is that they are being contorted and really are being bent into way more then really occurred. Yes recently I have been quite angry and honestly have some good reasons. ILL say this again…. doesnt excuse my actions but this is really getting obsurd. I am not the cause of all of the issues that people experience. I am not the force behind someones ability to manipulate their surroundings. They had that ability to do that prior to me entering their life.

I have been a good man. I have tried to support people that I have been near for as long as they were around. I getting sick of being the cause of deep seeded  personality traits that were there before I even entered the scene. I am not the root of all the evils as being told that I am responsible for.

I recently  looked at my refering sites and someone who comments here has decided to graciously offer her opinion of whats going on at her blog here:  http://amothersangst.blogspot.com/. I am actually very moved by what she has written there because it seems to be the only non biased view of this that I have thus far seen. Its amazing how no one seems to really want to delve into the roles that were played here with this what will now be called a divorce because Im not sure that there will ever be enough to heal this as things sit for the moment. She Objectively looks at what is going on and for once I have to say that someone has their head screwed on right rather then just being on one side of this. By god, I could write to violence unsilenced with my account of the pain and hurt and disgust that has been given to me in the same vicious and cruel way that kelly has.

I am not shouting to the world that I am innocent and I have blatantly taken my role is all of this but some of the crap that is being put out there is horrendous and there is no way that I can be the only one a fault for instilling that into her. She had to vie for her fathers attention as a child and did things that would get him to notice her.  There is the start of the manipulation right there.  She has been doing it for years to her father and even now is doing it to other people that she holds “dear”. On e person just two weeks ago was too emotionally needy for her to hang out with but now, Now she is the drinking buddy and hang out pal.

Im just so sick of trying to defend myself. Im sick of the poor me routine that I have seen time and time again. Yeah this is a little strong but its my blog, you dont like it get your own or stop reading. Some people know how to settle into the part of victim even when at times they were every bit the part of the aggressor. I can only speak for me though and what I can only speak for me though and what I have done to contribute to the demise of the relationship.

Funny thing. I was told that no one could come to me and tell me that I was being a dick because I wasnt ready to hear it. Seems that there are people out there who still arent ready to hear it for themselves and in time hopefully it will come out.

I dont even want to speak about what is going on anymore because there are only some truths coming out here  and I seem to be the only  one baring my ass for the caning. Im not doing that anymore. Im not going to put things out there that are going to get me flack without  others putting up their own defects for the world to share and taking off the mask that they wear soooo welll.